Handling the Holidays

Does a mixture of joy and fear engulf you as you contemplate the upcoming holiday break?  It’s easy to get caught up in making it all come off just right—buying the right presents, decorating the house, cooking for your in-laws, spending time with extended family.  This time of year can make us feel pressure to “measure up”—a pressure that we often extend to our kids as well.  One year when my boys were little, I had a vision for our Christmas card picture.  When we took the picture, I was under a huge time crunch and the boys were not cooperating.  I remember yelling and spanking them, then insisting that they “smile big” so I could get the perfect holiday shot.  I got the picture I wanted, but I sacrificed my kids in the process.  What good is an impressive exterior if we have to compromise relationships along the way?  Can we surrender the need to validate our self-worth through the opinions of others?  We have to make the conscious choice to look to God for guidance instead of allowing the expectations of others to dictate our actions.

As we get busier and more stressed, we are less inclined to take the time to listen, empathize, and reflect our kid’s feelings.  Because it takes energy to enforce consequences, we can be tempted to nag, order, or get angry instead.  What if we chose, instead, to give our kids the gift of strength, empathy, and a calm spirit?  As you navigate the obstacle course of the holiday season, ask God to reveal the areas where your parenting is influenced by a worldly mindset instead of an eternal one.

If your kids disobey while family is around, acknowledge the problem then and if you are unable to give a consequence at that time, make sure to follow through later.  It is much better to actually follow through (with empathy), instead of giving a lecture on how disappointed you were, and then letting it slide.  Sometimes we’re tempted to compromise our standards because we feel guilty disciplining during the holidays.  Use more empathy and fewer words, but follow through.

We have to remember that our kids are a work in progress and adopt the long view.  We might have a ton of parenting techniques under our belt, but they are of little worth if we can’t implement them with love.  As frustrating and embarrassing as our kid’s behavior can be, we need to focus on modeling integrity and love during the process rather than on the immediate results.  “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city. (Proverbs 16:32)”

By: Michelle Groff